BIBLE DIGEST -Number 36
Revised May 2007
DIVORCE
AND REMARRIAGE
THE PASTORAL IMPLICATIONS
By Allon
Maxwell
|
As I have come to
view it, this is not simply a disagreement between Christian brothers about
an issue in which the difference does not really matter, one way or the
other. It is much more important than that. I regard this as a LIFE AND DEATH
ISSUE which affects our eternal welfare. It is a life and death issue about
whether we submit to Jesus as Lord and DO WHAT HE SAYS. (Luke 6:46) It is a life
and death issue about hardness of heart and the sin of adultery which
excludes those who continue in it from the Kingdom of God. (1 Corinthians 6:9-10)
It is a life and death issue about whether or not some of us strengthen the
hand of sinners, instead of naming the sin for what it is. It is a life and
death issue about whether, with broken spirits and contrite hearts, repentant
adulterers find the faith to turn from their sin, whatever the personal
cost may be. I write this
prayerfully, in the deep conviction that for all of us who teach others, this
is a life and death issue about whether we might be causing simpler children
in the faith to stumble, thus earning ourselves the proverbial millstone
around our necks, and places in the deepest part of the sea. (Matthew 18:6) If it is really
true that remarried divorcees are living in adultery, and if it is also true
that adulterers cannot inherit the Kingdom of God, (1 Corinthians 6:9-19), the consequences for those
involved are fearful in the extreme. What do we do
with church members, or potential church members, who by Jesus' definition,
are clearly living in adultery? This is where
it gets hard ... too hard for most of the church today. and ..... I confess
that I do not find this easy at all. It is all much
easier to discuss in a theoretical Bible study than to put into practice with
real live people. For me, what
was once mere theory has become a deeply personal experience. It has become
an extremely painful question about the eternal fate of some who once were
friends and some who are beloved family. It affects my
relationship with them ..... at least for now ..... and perhaps for ever. The answer to
our question would be much easier, if the partners to adultery were simply
living in a de-facto relationship, both still legally married to other
parties. Our answer would
be easier still, if one or both of their spouses actively desired
reconciliation! In such cases
the very least that we would require of them would be a repentance which
ended the adulterous relationship. Even if the
adulterous relationship had produced children, our answer would not change. Why should our
answer be any different, simply because the parties to adultery have a piece
of paper from the government, formally "legalising" what Jesus
calls sin? Do people ever
come to repentance, when the cost in human terms is so high? It is of
course, next to impossible to persuade a happily "married" couple
to forsake a forbidden marriage. Such a "hard line" will certainly
prevent most people from joining or staying with the church. If it were not
for the example of those men of Ezra's time, who paid such a high price to
restore themselves to obedience, (Ezra 10:44),
we would doubt whether it would ever be possible today. However, their
faith is certainly evidence that there can be Biblical warrant for separation
of a marriage which has not been joined by God. If faith in God made it
possible then, faith will make it just as possible today for those who do
truly love Jesus. (John 14:15 & John
14:23-24) When a marriage
has taken place it is sometimes suggested that repentance is satisfied by a
verbal admission of guilt, which then allows the parties to continue in their
relationship without it being adulterous any longer. However, this is a very
inadequate "repentance". In no other
case does repentance from sin allow the sinner to continue with the deed! Repentance is a
mental condition and a state of heart. It is also a recognition that we
cannot continue to do the thing of which we repent. The sin of "adultery
by remarriage" will surely require the same "deeds worthy of repentance"(Acts 26:20), as any other
form of adultery (or any other sin). The case is no
different to that of say, a bank robber. Can a thief repent and then continue
to live off the proceeds of his theft? Perhaps he has bought
a house with the proceeds. Can he keep the house? Perhaps he has
a wife and children. Perhaps he has no other means of support. Perhaps
restitution will expose his crime to the authorities, and he may even go to
prison as a result, leaving his wife and family destitute, without a husband
or father. Can any of
these things alter the nature of the works which are worthy of repentance?
Must he not "count the cost" and choose Jesus before wife,
children, house, lands, possessions, reputation and all else? In response to
this hard (but not hard hearted!) teaching about divorce and remarriage, the
disciples began to question the wisdom of marrying at all! (Matthew 19:10-12) Jesus was
uncompromising. Yes, indeed,
there are some who are called to a life of celibacy for the sake of the
Kingdom of Heaven. Few can receive
it, but clearly, one application of this difficult teaching refers to those
who must choose to remain separated and single after a marriage break up. Equally it
applies to those who must choose to forsake a "legal" marriage
which Jesus plainly calls adulterous. No repentance
is easy when the sin appeals to our deepest human instincts. It will
certainly not be easy for those caught up in the emotional snare of an
adulterous "marriage". However, the
Gospel does offer encouragement that obedience will never be TOO hard for any
who really do believe that Jesus is the Son of God; whose love and faith is
of that life changing quality found at the cross; and whose desire is to
overcome the world until they find purity of heart which will enable them,
one day, to see God. These hard
choices on the part of those involved in divorce and remarriage, are
certainly encompassed in what Jesus meant when he called his disciples to be
prepared to forsake all, for the sake of his name and the Gospel. Even when there
is no sin involved, there are other ways in which the cost of discipleship
can mean choosing Jesus above a wife and children. How much more
then, will that choice be necessary in the case of a forbidden marriage where
the Gospel call to repentance requires the same response as was made by those
Jews in Ezra's day. (Ezra 10:19) THE PERSONAL
IMPLICATIONS Inevitably in a
world where divorce is so common, it is almost inevitable that most of us
will experience the deep anguish of standing helpless while the marriages of
friends fall apart. And we will experience even more anguish when some of
those we love, succumb to the temptations arising from loneliness. We will be
confronted with temptation to breach our consciences to offer them a false
peace, by finding somehow, a way to say that a new marriage can become
acceptable before God. Can we rise to
the challenge? Can we find the words to explain to them the fearful cost of
their actions? There will be a
need to speak of the great barrier erected between them and God, and between
them and us, by their persistence in sin. And we will
face the near impossible choice, that even in the case of a beloved son or
daughter, GOD MUST COME FIRST. Can we lay our own child on the altar of God,
just as surely as Abraham did Isaac? For Abraham it
must have been just about the hardest choice he had ever made. It won't be
any less for us. And it will continue to be a hard choice, to be renewed
daily. But,
realistically, is there any other choice possible? Dare we settle for less
than God's answer? Our inflexible opposition to the relationship, our
unswerving loyalty to Jesus, and our unshakeable faith in his teaching may
one day be the lifeline to which they cling to find their way back. The Scriptures
indicate some limits to continuing association and friendship. There will be
some hard choices. First, there is
the question of continued Church Fellowship. In my personal experience that
has seldom been a problem. Most cases I have known simply left our church
fellowship voluntarily, without the need for our formal decision to send them
away. They knew, and we all knew, that their actions had excluded them from
fellowship, and that they could not return without a radical repentance. There will of
course be some other obvious unpleasant social implications, which arise from
our inability to recognise their new relationship. If you ask me
for a "law" about precisely where those boundaries lie, I don't
have many clear answers. And I am totally unwilling to invent the necessary
"straw man" cases which might be used to create a set of rules. My
only personal "rule" is that the door must always open for any
contact and help, that does not give the appearance of condoning what they
are doing. However, there
are some things that are obvious. Could a Pastor
conduct a Wedding Service in situations which Jesus labels as
"adultery"? Could a parent give their "blessing" to such
a union? Could they even attend the wedding service? I am just so
glad that I don't live in Moses' day, when the daughters of priests were burnt
for sexual sin, and adulterers were stoned to death. I would certainly fail
in that test. I could never do that to anyone. CONCLUSION The bottom line
goal of all pastoral and personal dealings with those involved in sinful
human relationships, is to be able to faithfully speak the words that may
turn them from the error of their ways, save their souls from death, and
cover their multitude of sins. (James 5:19-20) It is my
unshakeable conviction that Jesus meant to say, clearly and unmistakably,
that apart from one cause alone, remarried divorcees are living in adultery.
It is also very clear that, without a real and costly repentance, adulterers
cannot inherit the Kingdom of God. (1 Corinthians 6:9-10) This has become
a personal grief for the LIFE AND DEATH ISSUES of hardness of heart and the
sin of adultery, in which some who were once close friends, and some who are
beloved family, have become involved. This has become
a personal LIFE AND DEATH ISSUE about whether some of those I love, will ever
again find the grace to submit to Jesus as Lord, and DO WHAT HE SAYS. (Luke 6:46) It is a
personal LIFE AND DEATH ISSUE about whether or not I will choose to
strengthen the hand of sinners, or instead, love them enough to name the sin
for what it is. It is a LIFE
AND DEATH ISSUE about whether, with broken spirits and contrite hearts, those
who I love very deeply, will ever find the faith to turn from their sin, whatever
the personal cost may be. The bottom line
must remain with Jesus. Except for that
one cause of unchastity, there is no possible ground for men to separate what
God has joined. If divorce
results from any other cause, there is no licence from Jesus for remarriage,
(and there are no innocent party exceptions). Anyone divorced
for any of those other causes, who marries again while the first partner is
still living, commits adultery. Do
not be deceived. (Galatians 5:21 & Hebrews 13:4) The
pastoral and personal implications of that are almost too fearful to
contemplate. Originally
written July 1994 - Revised May 2007 |