BIBLE
DIGEST - Number 36 Revised May 2007
DIVORCE
AND REMARRIAGE
THE PASTORAL IMPLICATIONS
By Allon
Maxwell
|
As I have come to
view it this is not simply a disagreement between Christian brothers about an
issue in which the difference does not really matter, one way or the other. It
is much more important than that. I regard this as a LIFE AND DEATH ISSUE which
affects our eternal welfare. It is a life and death issue about whether we submit
to Jesus as Lord and DO WHAT HE SAYS. (Luke 6:46) It is a life and
death issue about hardness of heart and the sin of adultery which excludes those
who continue in it from the Kingdom of God. (1 Corinthians
6:9-10) It is a life and death issue about whether or not some of
us strengthen the hand of sinners, instead of naming the sin for what it is. It
is a life and death issue about whether, with broken spirits and contrite hearts,
repentant adulterers find the faith to turn from their sin, whatever the personal
cost may be. I write this prayerfully,
in the deep conviction that for all of us who teach others, this is a life and
death issue about whether we might be causing simpler children in the faith to
stumble, thus earning ourselves the proverbial millstone around our necks, and
places in the deepest part of the sea. (Matthew 18:6) If it is really
true that remarried divorcees are living in adultery, and if it is also true that
adulterers cannot inherit the Kingdom of God, (1 Corinthians
6:9-19), the consequences for those involved are fearful in the extreme. What do we do with
church members, or potential church members, who by Jesus' definition, are clearly
living in adultery? This is where it
gets hard ... too hard for most of the church today. and ..... I confess that
I do not find this easy at all. It is all much easier
to discuss in a theoretical Bible study than to put into practice with real live
people. For me, what was
once mere theory has become a deeply personal experience. It has become an extremely
painful question about the eternal fate of some who once were friends and some
who are beloved family. It affects my relationship
with them ..... at least for now ..... and perhaps for ever. The answer to our
question would be much easier, if the partners to adultery were simply living
in a de-facto relationship, both still legally married to other parties. Our answer would
be easier still, if one or both of their spouses actively desired reconciliation! In such cases the
very least that we would require of them would be a repentance which ended the
adulterous relationship. Even if the adulterous
relationship had produced children, our answer would not change. Why should our answer
be any different, simply because the parties to adultery have a piece of paper
from the government, formally "legalising" what Jesus calls sin? Do people ever come
to repentance, when the cost in human terms is so high? It is of course,
next to impossible to persuade a happily "married" couple to forsake
a forbidden marriage. Such a "hard line" will certainly prevent most
people from joining or staying with the church. If it were not for
the example of those men of Ezra's time, who paid such a high price to restore
themselves to obedience, (Ezra 10:44),
we would doubt whether it would ever be possible today. However, their faith
is certainly evidence that there can be Biblical warrant for separation of a marriage
which has not been joined by God. If faith in God made it possible then, faith
will make it just as possible today for those who do truly love Jesus. (John 14:15 & John 14:23-24) When a marriage
has taken place it is sometimes suggested that repentance is satisfied by a verbal
admission of guilt, which then allows the parties to continue in their relationship
without it being adulterous any longer. However, this is a very inadequate "repentance". In no other case
does repentance from sin allow the sinner to continue with the deed! Repentance is a
mental condition and a state of heart. It is also a recognition that we cannot
continue to do the thing of which we repent. The sin of "adultery by remarriage"
will surely require the same "deeds worthy of repentance" (Acts 26:20), as any other form of adultery (or
any other sin). The case is no different
to that of say, a bank robber. Can a thief repent and then continue to live off
the proceeds of his theft? Perhaps he has bought
a house with the proceeds. Can he keep the house? Perhaps he has a
wife and children. Perhaps he has no other means of support. Perhaps restitution
will expose his crime to the authorities, and he may even go to prison as a result,
leaving his wife and family destitute, without a husband or father. Can any of these
things alter the nature of the works which are worthy of repentance? Must he not
"count the cost" and choose Jesus before wife, children, house, lands,
possessions, reputation and all else? In response to this
hard (but not hard hearted!) teaching about divorce and remarriage, the disciples
began to question the wisdom of marrying at all! (Matthew 19:10-12). Jesus was uncompromising. Yes, indeed, there
are some who are called to a life of celibacy for the sake of the Kingdom of Heaven. Few can receive
it, but clearly, one application of this difficult teaching refers to those who
must choose to remain separated and single after a marriage break up. Equally it applies
to those who must choose to forsake a "legal" marriage which Jesus plainly
calls adulterous. No repentance is
easy when the sin appeals to our deepest human instincts. It will certainly
not be easy for those caught up in the emotional snare of an adulterous "marriage". However, the Gospel
does offer encouragement that obedience will never be TOO hard for any who really
do believe that Jesus is the Son of God; whose love and faith is of that life
changing quality found at the cross; and whose desire is to overcome the world
until they find purity of heart which will enable them, one day, to see God. (1 John 3:3, 1
John 5:1-5). These hard choices
on the part of those involved in divorce and remarriage, are certainly encompassed
in what Jesus meant when he called his disciples to be prepared to forsake all,
for the sake of his name and the Gospel. Even when there
is no sin involved, there are other ways in which the cost of discipleship can
mean choosing Jesus above a wife and children. (Luke 14:26, Luke
14:33) How much more then,
will that choice be necessary in the case of a forbidden marriage where the Gospel
call to repentance requires the same response as was made by those Jews in Ezra's
day. (Ezra 10:19) THE PERSONAL IMPLICATIONS Inevitably in a
world where divorce is so common, it is almost inevitable that most of us will
experience the deep anguish of standing helpless while the marriages of friends
fall apart. And we will experience even more anguish when some of those we love,
succumb to the temptations arising from loneliness. We will be confronted
with temptation to breach our consciences to offer them a false peace, by finding
somehow, a way to say that a new marriage can become acceptable before God. Can we rise to the
challenge? Can we find the words to explain to them the fearful cost of their
actions? There will be a
need to speak of the great barrier erected between them and God, and between them
and us, by their persistence in sin. And we will face
the near impossible choice, that even in the case of a beloved son or daughter,
GOD MUST COME FIRST. Can we lay our own child on the altar of God, just as surely
as Abraham did Isaac? For Abraham it must
have been just about the hardest choice he had ever made. It won't be any less
for us. And it will continue to be a hard choice, to be renewed daily. But, realistically,
is there any other choice possible? Dare we settle for less than God's answer?
Our inflexible opposition to the relationship, our unswerving loyalty to Jesus,
and our unshakeable faith in his teaching may one day be the lifeline to which
they cling to find their way back. The Scriptures indicate
some limits to continuing association and friendship. There will be some hard
choices. First, there is
the question of continued Church Fellowship. In my personal experience that has
seldom been a problem. Most cases I have known simply left our church fellowship
voluntarily, without the need for our formal decision to send them away. They
knew, and we all knew, that their actions had excluded them from fellowship, and
that they could not return without a radical repentance. There will of course
be some other obvious unpleasant social implications, which arise from our inability
to recognise their new relationship. If you ask me for
a "law" about precisely where those boundaries lie, I don't have many
clear answers. And I am totally unwilling to invent the necessary "straw
man" cases which might be used to create a set of rules. My only personal
"rule" is that the door must always open for any contact and help, that
does not give the appearance of condoning what they are doing. However, there are
some things that are obvious. Could a Pastor conduct
a Wedding Service in situations which Jesus labels as "adultery"? Could
a parent give their "blessing" to such a union? Could they even attend
the wedding service? I am just so glad
that I don't live in Moses' day, when the daughters of priests were burnt for
sexual sin, and adulterers were stoned to death. I would certainly fail in that
test. I could never do that to anyone. CONCLUSION The bottom line
goal of all pastoral and personal dealings with those involved in sinful human
relationships, is to be able to faithfully speak the words that may turn them
from the error of their ways, save their souls from death, and cover their multitude
of sins. (James 5:19-20) It is my unshakeable
conviction that Jesus meant to say, clearly and unmistakably, that apart from
one cause alone, remarried divorcees are living in adultery. It is also very clear
that, without a real and costly repentance, adulterers cannot inherit the Kingdom
of God, (1 Corinthians 6:9-10). This has become
a personal grief for the LIFE AND DEATH ISSUES of hardness of heart and the sin
of adultery, in which some who were once close friends, and some who are beloved
family, have become involved. This has become
a personal LIFE AND DEATH ISSUE about whether some of those I love, will ever
again find the grace to submit to Jesus as Lord, and DO WHAT HE SAYS. (Luke 6:46) It is a personal
LIFE AND DEATH ISSUE about whether or not I will choose to strengthen the hand
of sinners, or instead, love them enough to name the sin for what it is. It is a LIFE AND
DEATH ISSUE about whether, with broken spirits and contrite hearts, those who
I love very deeply, will ever find the faith to turn from their sin, whatever
the personal cost may be . The bottom line
must remain with Jesus. Except for that
one cause of unchastity, there is no possible ground for men to separate what
God has joined. If divorce results
from any other cause, there is no licence from Jesus for remarriage, (and there
are no innocent party exceptions). Anyone divorced
for any of those other causes, who marries again while the first partner is still
living, commits adultery. Do
not be deceived. (Galatians
5:21 & Hebrews 13:4) The
pastoral and personal implications of that are almost too fearful to contemplate. Originally
written July 1994 - Revised May 2007 |